Each Thanksgiving and holiday season we are told to think about what we feel grateful for. To say thanks for all the good in our life. My daughter is learning this concept in second grade. I think this is great! I wish they would teach that we don't need a holiday to be grateful. It shouldn't be a specific time of the year to feel gratitude and say thanks to others. We need to make this a daily ritual. If we taught our children at a young age to be grateful, to recongize and appreciate the abundance of love, family, friends and health around us all the time we would be setting the stage for a happier life. Why do we wait till the end of the year, when our days are shorter and our weather is colder to make changes. We don't need a holiday season or New years celebration to make changes. Here are my thoughts on Gratitude.
1. If you are feeling grateful then make today, the first day of your Gratefulness. Add in "Gratitude checks" as a daily part of life. Each day take a few minutes to pause and realize what is good in your life.
2. Share the Gratitude check tradition with everyone around you. We know people who feel gratitude on a regular basis are happier. This is a clear factor in being happy - why wouldn't we do this?
3. Make it part of your positive parenting ritual. We know actions speak louder then words. Don't tell your kids to be grateful - show them You can do this thru prayers, you can have gratitude checks at the dinner table. Let everyone share what they are grateful for at the dinner table.
4. You can't talk about gratitude without mentioning "pay it forward" Another key factor to happiness is helping others. So, I must mention it again volunteer, give to charity, help others not just on the holiday season but everyday. This does not have to involve money. I make it a daily challenge to find new ways to help people without spending a dime. This adds creativity to my life, makes me feel good while helping others.
5. Gratitude and Altruism need to become habits. The mix of gratitude and altruism is a recipe for success. They need to be part of our daily lives just like taking vitamins, sleeping eight hours, eating right and exercising. Gratitude and altruism will help you keep your emotional health and spirtual health in check.
Happy Holidays!!
Having a stress free holiday
It’s the beginning of the Holiday season and with the holidays comes stress. Each year we feel a mix of joy and anxiety when we approach the days before thanksgiving. The Holidays can bring stress starting in November and going straight thru till the new year. We feel a mix of stress related to financial costs of the holidays, family coming to stay and the conflicts it brings, the stress of trying to have the perfect meal and holiday. If your one of those people who feel the holiday blues, here are a few tips to help you through the stress and anxiety of the holidays.
1. Remember what the holidays are really about - spending quality time with family, friends and loved ones. It’s about giving love and joy to others. Watch your expectations - make sure they are realistic. We try for perfection at the holidays and we tend to forget what the holidays are really about. Remind yourself that the holidays are about being close to your loved ones everything else come second.
2. Take care of you - during the busy holiday season we forget about ourselves. We worry so much about setting a nice table, buying and cooking the food, decorating the house, buying the presents, etc. We forget to take a time out and spend some quiet time alone. Make sure to put yourself on your priority list and put yourself high up on the list. If we aren’t feeling mentally, physically and emotional healthy, how we will be able to have a good holiday. The more time you put aside for you the healthier and happier you will feel this holiday season.
3. Seasonal disorder - this is just another issue that can affect people during this stressful time. If you know that the cold weather and shorter days affects you and causes you to have negative moods then do some preventive work. Talk to your doctor about options, seek counseling before the change of weather and holidays start, set up a support system to help when your feeling down, invest in light boxes and plan a vacation to a warm destination ( this will give you something to look forward to).
4. Start early - before the holidays season is in full swing start making your things to do lists, start your holiday shopping early this way when the holidays approach your not scrambling for presents. Start early - buy wrapping paper, holidays cards, etc. Be preventive.
5. Ask for help. There is no reason why you have to do everything on your own. Delegate this holiday season. Ask each person who is coming to prepare a dish or a dessert. Make your holidays not about the cooking but more about the socializing. If everyone brings a dish this will make your shopping and cooking much easier. Don’t feel guilty about it. Each year have everyone make it a point to help each other so everyone can enjoy the holidays. This can also be a great way to clean up after the holidays. Delegate the clean up from the dishes to vacuuming the house. If everyone chips in, it won’t be so bad.
6. Be up front financially - tell family and friends what you can and can’t do early on. If you know this will be a tough financial holiday season then recommend other options such as: Buying for the kids only, a grab bag, the charity option - everyone gives to a charity ( whatever they can afford) instead of a gift or learn from our children - homemade gifts!
7. Gratitude - this is the time of year that we should spend more time counting our blessings, remembering what we have instead of worrying about what we don’t. Instead of “Keeping up with the Jones”, take a minute to appreciate the abundance of love, health family and friends. Teach your kids about abundance. They should know that the most important things in life are the things that make us the happiest: Good relationships with family and friends, a partner we can share our life with and a full schedule of social activities that involve lots of smiling and laughing.
8. Watch the signs - listen to your body. If you are noticing any of the following signs then it’s time to make changes:
Change in sleeping habits
Change in eating habits
Feeling irritable, moody and unhappy
Exhaustion and fatigue
Panic attack symptoms like dizziness, heavy chest, heart racing, headache, feeling nauseous, hot and cold flashes
Physical signs such as headaches, stomachaches, joint pain and low immune system - catching frequent colds and illnesses.
These symptoms are all warning signs of too much stress and anxiety in our life. This is a sign to slow down and take a time out.
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Simplicity - A Way to an Easier and Happier Life Simplicity: For anyone to change or to keep motivated we need it to be easy. We are a society of: "The easier the better". We are a society of instant gratification. Change takes time and patience, we all must understand this. This doesn’t mean it has to be hard. Once you develop a routine with your new habits, it will come naturally. Just remember, to change or break a habit can take 30 days or more. Real Life Solution: I always talk about how it took me about 6 weeks to form my new lifestyle. I talk about creating a new schedule. My schedule consists of Gratitude moments when I first wake up and before I go to bed, journal writing, pay it forward on a daily basis, being aware of any negativity around me and releasing it so I can spread positive vibes, changing how I speak with my word choices and meditation. I also added a new exercise routine and diet. It seems like a lot but the truth is – it’s not. Once I added everything in and picked the times I felt the most comfortable with, add a few weeks and, well, it became my new life. What at first seemed unnatural and weird turned into the moments of the day I look forward to. I love my gratitude moments – they clear my head, meditation gives me a sense of calm/peace which I need to keep balanced, exercise always makes me feel better, no matter what is going on in my day and, well, there is no end to the happiness I get by paying it forward and releasing the negative baggage that comes my way. The first few weeks were hard, some of it was a struggle, some of it I couldn’t figure out – the meditation part took way longer than 6 weeks but now, 6 months later and I can be in silence. I can honestly look back and say none of this was hard work, it was actually enjoyable and unlike other habits I tried to form that were difficult and uncomfortable, I caught a high with these. An emotional high, a connection within myself I have never felt before. The other side of simple –Simple is the key to life. The simple things are what really make us happy. Think about what truly makes you happy throughout your day and you will see the truth. simple = happiness. Example: What makes me happy during my day is the first cup of coffee in the morning, the sun shining thru my window when I awaken for the morning, my daughter and dog both running into my bed to fight for their mommy’s attention, a good song on the radio, a chocolate bar, a glass of wine – my list could go on forever but you get the point. Write a list of what you love to do each day, those simple little things that you take for granted and rush thru. Look at the list and realize how many simple pleasures are going on throughout your whole day. Now go to bed and when you wake up tomorrow do everything a little slower, be aware of the simple pleasures, smile while doing it, share the pleasure with others. These simple pleasures will brighten up your whole day. Your awareness of your likes has heightened and nothing in your day really changed except for your awareness and appreciation for the simple things in life. What’s easier then that? Parent Tip: We constantly talk about the economy and teaching children how to appreciate the little things in life. We want to teach kids how to enjoy nature, gardening, playing outside in parks on swing sets without video games and computers. We want to teach kids the value of spending time with family and friends. We want to teach kids about reading instead of watching TV, seeing people face to face instead of by text message or e-mail. We want children to know the value of a dollar. This tip in living a simple life will pass these values down to your children. My daughter has learned a few valuable things including the joy of spending time outside in nature with friends. She has learned the value of a dollar – we spend quality time together making food lists, cutting coupons and shopping together. My daughter accompanies me to the farmers market every Saturday where we buy local, organic fresh fruits and vegetables. These are values that are easy to instill thru hands on activities. Share with your family, the simple things in life. Make it a family commitment to be more green, to buy local, to spend more time with family and friends and teach your child the real value of a dollar- money doesn’t buy happiness! A personal Comment – it’s so funny that we never notice how easy it is to be happy. What you just read above is common sense but yet I never paid attention or took the time to notice any of it. I feel like I opened up a whole new chapter of my life even though nothing materially has changed. I’m still at the same house, same job, same family, location, etc. but yet everything feels new. A therapist at the Universal Institute in Livingston, New Jersey, Diane Lang counsels patients with traumatic brain injury and substance abuse issues. Her clinical experience includes patients with different forms of mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, and marriage and relationship problems, among others. Viewed as an expert in the world of balancing motherhood and career, Diane Lang’s first book Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career, was introduced last year. Baby Steps helps women sort through the thinking and second-guessing that accompanies returning to the workforce, and stresses striving for balance, health and happiness rather than “having it all.” As a speaker, Lang presents her workshop “The Mom Series” in NY metro area locations, to assist mothers returning to work. Additionally, Lang is a regular contributor to working mother and parenthood blogs such as MomsontheMove.com and MommyTalk.com. Alongside her work in the motherhood-career forum, Lang works as an Adjunct Professor in Psychology at Montclair State University and Centenary College. She also serves as co-host and guest expert on the Expat radio show, a global radio show for and about expatriates, discussing topics such as the stress of moving abroad. Lang made her debut as a therapist for ourprisoner.com, a reality based Internet show, where she held weekly sessions with the “prisoner” dealing with identity, insecurity and emotional abuse issues. Her other on camera credits include Host for Generation X-tinct, Absolute Fitness and various educational videos. A Mother to six year-old daughter Lauren, Lang’s academic credentials include an M.A. in Counseling and a B.A. in Liberal Arts from the New York Institute of Technology. Diane can be reached at Lifeline36@aol.com. | ||
 
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| Prior The Balancing Act Columns
10/8/2009 What My Daughter Taught Me I have come to realize the power of children. I always knew that children were special |
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10/8/2009 What My Daughter Taught Me I have come to realize the power of children. I always knew that children were special but until I had my daughter, I could only imagine the power they hold. The truth is kids hold a secret power that makes us love unconditionally, follow our gut instincts to protect them, take care of them, think about them constantly and motivate us to be better people. This is such a strong power that I can’t help but think it belongs in a Positive lifestyle column. So, here it is: The teachings of my daughter 1. My daughter has taught me to love again. I was closed off due to my past and the baggage caused by my past but my daughter taught me the way to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. Not only did she teach me to love fully but she taught me to trust again 2. My daughter taught me it’s ok to act like a child- to be silly, laugh and smile all the time. She taught me silly is good - we all need a little silly in our life. We all need to have fun, be fun and share our fun times with others 3. My daughter taught me to be more creative. That creativity is a gift and should be expressed on a daily basis. 4. My daughter taught me that stereotypes, prejudices and bias are all learned traits. My daughter doesn’t care about the color of your skin, race or religion of another person. She doesn’t care if they are rich or poor, their physical attractiveness or lack of. None of this ever made a difference. My daughter has met people in wheelchairs, with walkers and other disabilities - she never knew the difference. The only thing my daughter ever said or cared about was: Are they nice and do they like to play? My daughter is truly color blind! 5. Kids only know of NOW!! They don’t worry about future issues, they don’t complain about the past. They just do and be. What a relief that is -- to know people can live in the now and the past or future doesn’t have to be in control of you. Think about it: why would we worry about a future that isn’t here yet and could change at any moment? Why worry about a past that is gone, can’t be changed? Why not learn and move forward with hope? 6. My daughter taught me the joy of a smile, a hug, jumping in my bed - waking me up first thing in the morning, My daughter taught me to feel again thru touch! She taught me it’s ok to hug, kiss and hold hands. The simple pleasures of life. 7. My daughter taught me to learn again thru observation, senses and play. I no longer have to learn thru a text book and formal training, I have other options. I can learn thru hands on experience. This only touches the surface of what I have learned from my daughter. Why do they always say children learn from adults? It might be the other way around. A therapist at the Universal Institute in Livingston, New Jersey, Diane Lang counsels patients with traumatic brain injury and substance abuse issues. Her clinical experience includes patients with different forms of mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, and marriage and relationship problems, among others. Viewed as an expert in the world of balancing motherhood and career, Diane Lang’s first book Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career, was introduced last year. Baby Steps helps women sort through the thinking and second-guessing that accompanies returning to the workforce, and stresses striving for balance, health and happiness rather than “having it all.” As a speaker, Lang presents her workshop “The Mom Series” in NY metro area locations, to assist mothers returning to work. Additionally, Lang is a regular contributor to working mother and parenthood blogs such as MomsontheMove.com and MommyTalk.com. Alongside her work in the motherhood-career forum, Lang works as an Adjunct Professor in Psychology at Montclair State University and Centenary College. She also serves as co-host and guest expert on the Expat radio show, a global radio show for and about expatriates, discussing topics such as the stress of moving abroad. Lang made her debut as a therapist for ourprisoner.com, a reality based Internet show, where she held weekly sessions with the “prisoner” dealing with identity, insecurity and emotional abuse issues. Her other on camera credits include Host for Generation X-tinct, Absolute Fitness and various educational videos. A Mother to six year-old daughter Lauren, Lang’s academic credentials include an M.A. in Counseling and a B.A. in Liberal Arts from the New York Institute of Technology. |
Stress free for the holidays
Paramus, NJ – Positive parenting gurus, Diane Lang and Tracey T. Serebin are holding a workshop on November 13th, 7pm at The Valley Hospital in Paramus, NJ to discuss the importance of staying stree free and balanced during the long holiday season.
In this seminar, Tracey and Diane explore strategies to help parents achieve balance on a daily basis, while keeping multiple balls in the air. They will discuss different tips and techniques to relieve stress and anxiety, learn the signs of burnout and tips on remaining balanced throughout the holiday season.
Both women are parents, speakers and motivational authors. Diane’s inspiring voice has been published in "Babysteps: The Path from Motherhood to Career.” Her next book, A Little Taste of Happiness- Simple Changes That Make a Difference is due to come out at the end of the year. Tracey T. Serebin has published two books, “101 Questions for Expectant Parents; Preserving Your Relationship through the Transition and “Searching for Inspiration in the Infertility Rollercoaster”.
With the financial stress of the holiday season upon us, wouldn't it be nice to learn tips and techniques to stay relaxed and balanced during the holiday season.
To sign up for the workshop - call Valley Hospital 201-291-6151 or email Diane Lang at Lifeline36@aol.com or Tracey T. Serebin at tracey.tt@verizon.net
About Diane Lang
Diane Lang is a metro city based Therapist, Career Counselor, Life Coach, and author of "Babysteps: The Path from Motherhood to Career.” She teaches families nationwide the benefits of keeping a positive household through her blog: http://myhappyblog.vox.com/ and through her "Positive Parenting Series” speaking engagements. You can read her bi-weekly column "The Working Mom" at Mommytalk.com or listen to her on The Expat Show on WTBQ 1110AM, a WABC affiliate radio station. Lang has been featured in the Daily Record and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV and the national television program “Fox & Friends”.
About Tracey T. Serebin
Tracey Serebin is a family Coach with more than 15 years experience working to empower kids and strengthen families. She is a family dynamics and communication specialist with her own practice, A Child's Voice, in New Jersey. She has published two books “101 Questions for Expectant Parents; Preserving Your Relationship through the Transition and “Searching for Inspiration in the Infertility Rollercoaster”. She hosts her own Radio Show entitled Family Matters on WebTalkRadio.net and is the Relationship Expert in Let's Talk Baby.
Back to School for Working Moms
It’s back to school time again and as a working mom, it’s always a struggle to get myself and my kids ready for school. Here are some tips to start the school year off right and keeping them on track.
* Start the day off right with a healthy breakfast – The morning time is very busy in most households. Trying to get the kids ready at the same time you need to get ready for work can seem almost impossible on some mornings. But if you can get thru one thing in the morning it should be a healthy breakfast for both you and your family. Breakfast is so important: It helps the kids focus and concentrate well in class. Here are some easy, quick breakfast suggestions:
Cereal and fruit – My daughter loves cheerios with blueberries and strawberries on top.
Multi-Grain or whole wheat toast with peanut butter or
Apple and/or Banana with peanut butter – the peanut butter will help them remain full for the morning.
Make a fruit salad on Sunday evening and in the morning give a bowl of fruit salad with a yogurt on the side or some kids love taking the yogurt and mixing the fruit in.
The non-traditional breakfast – any leftovers in your fridge? Have any leftover with a glass of fruit juice. It’s not the norm but we do know that any breakfast is better then NO breakfast!!
* Contact – Stay in contact with your teacher. The quick, easy way is thru e-mail and most teachers will check their e-mail every day and respond quickly. I have my daughter’s teacher’s e-mail in my address book and the school website as one of my favorites. The school website always posts all the news, events and weather issues. It’s a good way to stay involved and connected. Involved parents mean a successful child.
*Sleep – A week or so before school starts, get your kids back on schedule. If kids don’t get enough sleep their academic careers will suffer. Mom’s we need sleep too – we should all try for 8-10 hours. The norm for most adults is 5-6 hours, that is not good enough and we will pay the price by being fatigued, irritable and eating unhealthy. So, moms get back on routine with your children by going to sleep early. Try to go to sleep around the same time every night and waking up around the same time every morning to keep your body on a good sleep schedule. Make sleep and a nutritious breakfast “A Must” for the whole family. If you keep a healthy lifestyle as a mom – you will be a great role model for your kids
*Physical Activity – This is so necessary for children. They need to burn fuel during the day to help keep them healthy. Obesity has become a HUGE problem for teens. Kids do not get enough physical activity at school – as moms, we must do more. As adults we tend to live a sedentary life especially if we have a job where we sit all day. So, set up family activities that involve exercise. In the warm weather – Biking, swimming , hiking, walking, etc. As the months get colder try apple and pumpkin picking. Join your local gym, college or YMCA for the inside pool. Sign up your children for an after school activity or sport. It’s a good way for the kids to socialize, have fun, meet new friends and get healthy!
*Set up a Homework schedule. Make it the same time everyday. My daughter does her homework for 30 -45 minutes a day right before dinner at the kitchen table. I cook while she does her homework. If she has any questions, I’m right there to help her and keep an eye on her.
*Good Habits – I have made reading a nightly habit. About 15-20 minutes before bed – we read together. It’s a good way to relax before bed, spend quality time and keep up with her reading skills. I’m starting the reading habit early (Pre-school) so when she is older she will continue to read before bed. Reading is a great end to the day – it helps with creativity, imagination, language skills, problem solving, memory, focus, and attention. If you start young, you will start a bedtime ritual that could go on for many years to come.
Have a great school year!!
Any questions/comments – Please contact: Diane Lang at Lifeline36@aol.com or www.dlcounseling.com
For the Parent - Parents building better relations with their kids
1. To build a positive relationship with your child you need to invest quality time and attention to your child
2. Know your child’s interests, strengths, hobbies and dislikes. With this type of information, you can have fun with your child by finding activities they are interested in and enjoy. This also shows a respect for the child’s interests. It shows that the parent is concerned with their child’s interests. It allows for freedom for the child to grow. It allows for the child to develop independence, their own opinions, thoughts and interests. It helps them develop a sense of self and their own identity. This will help build up their self-esteem.
3. Parents need to say “I love you” everyday no matter what age. Especially on trying days when you might not feel like saying it. This will help develop and strengthen the relationship.
4. For young kids, having a bedtime ritual will mean a lot to the child. It will be a time that the child can look forward to for one on one time. This can be a time for reading a book together, playing a game, doing a puzzle, etc. This ritual can stay straight thru till their teenagers.
I have had teenagers tell me they still enjoy playing cards or doing a puzzle with their parents before bed, they look forward to it. This ritual helps form a good connection between the parent an child.
5. Let your kids help you with daily activities like going food shopping, writing the food list, cooking, gardening, etc. This is bonding time.
6. Dinner time - eat meals together as much as possible. These meals should be with no external noises such as TV, Radio, Computers, cell phones, etc. This should be the time when everyone gets to discuss their day and really listen to each other. It’s a great way to reconnect. It’s Quality time.
7. Set special times that are “Family time” - days that are set aside just for family. Also, set aside special time with each child. Every child wants to feel special and by spending one on one time will allow the child to have that special quality time. The family should plan the activities.
8. Respect - as children get older, they start making their own choices. We as parents need to learn to respect most of their choices. We might not like their choice in clothing or music but if we don’t allow them to make their own decisions then we hinder their independence and growth. It’s a natural part of their development process to want to grow, learn and make decisions on their own. Try to be supportive of their decisions/choices.
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Procrastination:
We are all guilty of it at one time or another but if you realize that you are procrastinating more often then you are getting things done, then it is time to work on it. Procrastination is the avoidance of getting a task accomplished. Procrastination can lead to feelings of guilt, self doubt, depression and can lead to chronic procrastination.
Why we procrastinate?
1. Poor time management skills. Are you uncertain of your goals or priorities? Are you overwhelmed? Are you taking on more then you can or are you afraid to say “ NO” ?
When you are overwhelmed or managing not managing your time wisely it’s easy for you to put off tasks for a later date or spending time doing things are not a priority.
2. Do you have difficulty focusing? When you sit down to do work or study, do you find yourself day dreaming? Falling asleep, watching TV, etc?
Is it that your environment is noisy? Is your desk cluttered or disorganized? Are you laying in your bed while studying?
3. Fear/ anxiety - Are you afraid of failure? Rejection or success? Do you spend more time on worrying or asking what if?
4. Low self - esteem - Are you constantly thinking negative beliefs or thought such as: I’m a failure, I can’t succeed in anything or I’m stupid? The negativity ca stop you from getting things done.
5. Personal problems - Example: Break up or divorce, financial difficulties, problems with friends or families.
6. Unrealistic expectations or Perfectionism - Do you believe you have to do everything 100% are you being realistic. Example are you taking too many classes at school while working a full time job?
How to over come procrastination
1. After reading thru the reasons, be honest and ask yourself the questions from above? Recognize out your reasons why?
2.Figure out your short term goals - goals for now till 6 mths to a year.
3. Write down your long term goals - where do you see yourself in three years, five years?
4. Write a action plan for your short term goals that can be revised every time a goal is completed.
5. Set priorities.
6. Use a to do list. Write one for everyday and cross off as accomplish tasks.
7.Mke sure your goals are realistic
8. Modify your environment. Eliminate noise distractions - shut the phone, cell phones, TV and radios off. Make sure you have plenty of light. Have necessary equipment at hand so you don’t have to get up to get pens, pencils, books, etc. Don’t get too comfortable when studying - don’t study in bed. Study in a chair at a desk. Organize your area so next time you go to study or do work - your area is prepared.
Positive reinforcement - Every time you complete your goals on your short term list or do well on a test or project, reward yourself. Make sure you know that you deserve it and show yourself by rewarding yourself.
My Groups
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Positive Parenting Updated: Nov 25, 2009
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Recent Comments
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The Coffee Guy said:
DianeMy best freind's daughter designed a Gratitude Stick some years ago. http://bananamoon.ca/ViewItem.asp?ID=53&CAT=7 They now have a whole line of gratitude... read more
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Diane Lang said:
John Hi! Thank you for coming, it was very nice to meet you and your wife. When you get a... read more
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John Luciano said:
[this is good]Hi Diane, My wife Ruby and I just saw your seminar on happiness at the Jefferson Township Library in New... read more
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Simone Bittencourt Shauy said:
[this is good]These 25 things should make part of our DNAs. They are so simple, low cost, have the power of bringing... read more
on Making the world a Better Place
Links
My website with information on my workshops.
Thanks I will check this site out!! read more
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